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“Flirting” The Biggest game of all
Flirting is just a way to meet potential mates and
see if they are compatible. In some situations, such as at a dance or a
party, flirting is the only way to open the door to a romantic
relationship with someone you don't know and might not otherwise ever
see again. Because of all of this, flirting is a very important skill,
and it's one that makes a lot of people nervous. There is an art of
flirting, though, and it's an art that can be learned. One can use the
following steps:
Lower your expectations.
Flirting is fun, but only if
you don't take it too seriously. Most of the time, you'll just flirt
with someone for a short time and then maybe never talk to them again.
If you always go in to flirting expecting to date or even marry the
person you're flirting with, you're going to be very disappointed--and
you'll probably seem a little desperate. Remember, you're just flirting.
Look approachable.
Relax and smile. Use your body
language to give signals that you are the fun person that you are, and
to show that you're comfortable and confident. There's nothing to be
nervous about.
Read body language.
Does the person look
approachable? Do they appear interested in you? From the moment you see
someone with whom you might want to flirt, you should read his or her
body language. Once you're actually flirting with the person, body
language is often the only way to tell if the person is actually
interested in you. We all have a natural ability to read body language,
but it's easy to misread signals, so be careful and take it slow. If you
see one signal that indicates the person is interested in you, watch for
other signals that might confirm that.
Just shoot the person a quick
gaze, smile with your eyes, and then slowly look away. If you look back
and notice the person looking back to meet your eyes, they're likely
interested in flirting a bit.
Initiate a conversation with
the person you're interested in.
If you don't already know them
simply make small talk. What you say isn't important. You don't really
need an answer to the question; you are simply inviting the person to
talk with you. If the person responds pleasantly, continue the
conversation. If the person doesn't respond or seems preoccupied or
disinterested, he or she probably isn't interested in flirting with you.
At the beginning of the conversation, you don't want to talk about
anything personal. Talk about the environment around you, the show you
just saw, etc., but don't talk much about yourself and don't ask the
other person personal questions.
Give the person your complete
attention.
Laugh at their jokes, listen to
their stories, and don't get distracted by what's going on around you.
It's more important to seem interested than to seem interesting, and you
don't want to hog the conversation. Being a good listener is far more
important to successful flirting than being witty.
Use body language to hint at
your romantic intentions.
If things are going really well,
you might want to try to break the touch barrier. Touch his or her arm
briefly and gently as you talk. Or be more assertive and hold the
person's hand when you cross the street, or if walking to a seat or a
table, lead them by gently holding their arm. Touching in this manner
helps break a "personal space" barrier. Pay attention to red flags,
because some people have "personal space" issues and you don't want to
make them uncomfortable.
In general, women can get away
with touching much earlier in a conversation than men can. Many women
feel a little threatened when a man they just met enters their personal
space, while most men are more open to being touched. In any case,
proceed with caution, and back off if you get negative or mixed signals
from the person.
Few more important tips:
What you say is not particularly
important (as long as it's not completely idiotic), but whatever you
say, try to keep your conversation positive. Don't be negative,
arrogant, or pushy; just be friendly. When you first start talking with
someone, don't aim to flirt. Just aim to have a conversation. This takes
a lot of pressure off both of you.
Do not pursue anyone if they do
not reciprocate. Walk away if the person doesn't seem interested. Don't
presume they're playing "hard to get" because they might interpret any
pushiness in a negative light. Compliments can go a long way. It's a
great idea to compliment the person during your conversation, but don't
try to pass off a compliment that you don't really mean, and be careful
about compliments that might be embarrassing or offensive (compliments
about a woman's figure, for example).
If you don't feel comfortable
asking for their number, try giving them your number. If they are truly
interested in you they will give you a call. |
